i will not be one day late...

you know that one moment

when you tilt your chair a little too far back

and you get this skip in your heartbeat,

that split second when you think

omgosh i'm gonna die 

yeah, it's kinda like that
i'm stuck there
and i don't want the chair to fall, nor to right it again.
just, stuck there.

~

i will not be one day late...

i. can't. see...

there was a girl who was blind, and she hated herself very much

she only loved her boyfriend, who also loved her very much.

he was always there for her.

one day, she told him she would marry him if only she could see the world.

finally, the day came when a pair of eyes were a match for her

and after the surgery, she could see.

to her shock, she saw that her boyfriend was blind as well.

he asked her to marry him, but he was blind, so she refused, and left him.

he left in tears and left her a note.

the note said

take care of those eyes my dear.

they were once mine.

-author unknown-

taking stock...

well. if you didn't already know, i am on holidays, have been for three weeks, with one week to go.

i have a list of things i need to accomplish for these days (funny how some humans can't just, live, you know? they must have a list. a list of chores, of things to do, of people to kill...)

so on my list for this holiday, in no order of importance, were these:

go see a doctor.

fix the car (check)

read (check)

write (neverending-but-check)

upgrade room (semi-check)

learn latin (1/50 check)

and i am disatisfied with what i have not done.

but on the other hand.

i sat in theme park stuff (rollercoasters, flying thingamajigs, faliing whatcamacallits)

i drove to penang for the first time

have been asked if i wanted a hooker (answer was no, but thanks)

went to a concert in the rain (it was too awesome)

 exercised alot

rediscovered bits of myself

met an awesome person

so thanks, thanks for your time. thanks for your company. thanks for the laughter and memories. 

thanks, for being you.

and i think looking at it, summer of 2010, has been one of the best times of my life. 

*scream*

so tell me what you want to hear

something that were like those years

i'm sick of all the insincere

so i'm gonna give all my secrets away...

Secrets by One Republic

random...

i had this dream a few days ago, i don't remember it all.

i remember this though.

in the dream, someone said something to me, and i woke up in a fugue to write it down :

this is why i e.joy talking to you so muvh...youre gunuimwly one of the most carih person i knpw

wait..what?

too true...

ripped it off here

and you know it.

~

Sacred by Tokio Hotel

i think, therefore, i am...

why is it always that we don't say what we feel

but we always feel what we say?

~

A Day Late by Anberlin

outside looking in...

from where i stand

i see you, but you don't

i see you, but you won't

from where i stand

i want you, but you don't

i want you, but you won't

from where i stand

i see dried blood

i try to wash them away

wipe those precious tears

soothe those ripples and fears

from where i stand

you look so beautiful

your melancholic smile

your brilliant mind

your perfect imperfection

from where i stand

i see you, but you won't see me.

-one way mirror-

Gone, Baby, Gone...

i only remember vaguely the lies

the ugliness and the evil that humans are capable of.

but the thing that stuck to me was that the world we live in

is neither black, nor is it white.
and i think that's the colour i see it in.

FUTURE ME...

there is nothing quite like running.

i did 10k this morning, broke my own record.

as always thought alot during the runs, but along the way, the thoughts become a muddle

and every thought is focused on getting the next breath.

stinging sweat in your eyes, the sun blazing on your naked skin, wind whipping your hair about.

there's nothing to it, just you, your muscles and the open road.

~

i was thinking about this, i ripped it off a friend's  blog.

and i think it makes so much sense.

~

Dear Future Me,

I am writing this is case you loose your way again. Read the above. Good. Now read it again. Better. Don't loose that conviction. Don't say you don't want it, don't give yourself a thousand reasons not to, there are a thousand reasons not to. So what? "Go after her. Fuck, don't sit there and wait for her to call..." Remember all that we have accomplised this morning. Remember what you wrote before, that you want the picture for the person in it, not just any picture. Remember, the worse that can happen is a bruised ego and a small heartbreak. Please, please don't forget. And after all that, remember that the person in the picture, is more important than the picture itself.

Yours sincerely,

Past Me.

~

i don't know where it leads. i don't.

but most times, that is why you should take it.

~

Maybe i know, somewhere,

deep in my soul, that love never lasts

we've got to find other ways

to make it alone, or keep a straight face

i've always lived like this,

keeping it comfortable, distant

up until now i've sworn to myself that i'm content

with loneliness

because none of it was ever worth the risk

well you, are, the only exception...