think again...

you think you are whole within yourself.

you think you need no one else.

you think all you ever need, you can provide for yourself.

you think -

i think you need to stop thinking.

ragdolls amongst broken walls...

What is it in us that wants to believe? Our inner being cries out for something greater, something more, something that is oft ineffable, a puff of smoke that we can never grasp.

We all, either consciously or unconsciously, want to believe in something. It is undeniable. Since the dawn of time, men have been putting faces to their beliefs, a face to their gods. In our age now, men believes in the god of self, that he is god and god is he. How much more conceited can man be, that he liken himself to god?

Apropos, whatever you believe in, wherever you believe it, you believe in something, though most often you don't understand why, and in this ignorance, men put a familiar face on their gods.

We are made to have a relationship with something/one greater, and that is why our inner being cries out, but blinded and lame, we stumble around not knowing what is it that we seek, or even why there is this void in our soul that none can fill.

We are made to believe in something greater.
And we, men and women, are not 'something greater'.
And a god created by man is not a god.

ten thousand miles next to me...

day 1 without you by my side.
i don't agree with the conclusion of the song.

To: God...

Dear God,

All my life, I have tried my best to live up to Your tenets, though human I am, and fall I always will, even then did You pick and will pick me up. All I need You give in Your infinite generosity and so, I hardly ever ask for anything, and I certainly never demanded You do anything for me. Even so, in Your love for me, You gave me one of Your greatest treasures, to keep and to hold and to be responsible for, and I pray now that I am worthy of this treasure. Thank you, dear Lord, that You think me worthy.

And so, dear Father, I ask only for two things today. 

First, is that this priceless gem that You've given me will always be happy and she will always find reason to smile. Second, is that You will keep this gem safe.

Thank You, Father.

Amen.

i will try...

i won't say what you need me to say

i won't be on time

i won't remember our important dates

i won't be there to wipe away your tears

i won't remember to tell you how important you are to me

i won't be enough for you

i'll disappoint you

i'll screw up

but i will say the things you need to hear

even if it pains me to say it

but i will always get there

and i will get there as soon as i can

but i will make it up to you

and i will surprise you when you least expect it

but i will hold you as tight as i can, whenever i can

and i will kiss all your those tears away

but when i do, i will tell you again and again. and again. and again.

because you are more than important to me

but all i am is yours to have

wholly and freely given

but i will always do my best

and make you proud of me

but i will try

because you are worth it

i will try.

adapted from I Wrote This For You: The Glittering Phoenix Burns Again

pinch me is this real?...

safe inside my mind i hide...

a square within a circle within a triangle...

if you ask me, i would say you can.

and that you will.

but if i ask me,

no, i won't say the same.

stopping those two hands...

tick.

i had a dream

tock.

when i woke, you weren't there...

t

i

c

k

t

o

c

k

.

.

.

stop.

please, let me dream again...

a short drop and a sudden stop...

in your eyes...

i see my reflection.
an image of the best possible version of me.

 

the knife edge...

standing on a knife-edge

to the left, a sheer drop into a raging sea

the right, a sheer drop into a deep blackness, unknown and unseen

maybe choosing either is better than standing there with my feet cut and bleeding.

blank canvas...

summer is ending.

for some of us, it is the begining of a new page.

others, the ending of an old chapter and the turning to a new one.

still some more would have finished an entire book and will begin anew with another.

i find myself reverently reading through this chapter of summer,

rereading and memorising all the beautiful words.

words that make me smile like an idiot, words that bring me comfort and joy;

thunderstorms in bright sunlight.

the first chapter has ended.

the next page is yet empty, unwritten; a blank canvas.

and i always say that to know the quality of a book beforehand,
read the first chapter.

the paradox...

The Paradox

To exist in the daylight, only to want to at night

The need to be good,  standing opposite the want to be bad

To enjoy the warmth of the sun, and the bitter chill of rain

Feeling lost and blind, yet refusing to look at any signs
To be able to have eyes but not see, ears that will not hear
To want to reach something /one so much, but at the same time, not
As kids we were told that 'the world is yours if you will take it'
only to find the layers of lies, all hidden in plain truth
To exist in black and white, but living in only shades of grey

what i want(ed)...

I was at a conference recently, and they asked me to list down the purpose, the mission and the vision of my life.
!!!
have any of you thought about it before? of course I did, but I never have in such explicit terms before.
needless to say, I wrote the first three things (I edited it a little) that came into my mind:

Purpose : To make a difference.
Mission : To affect a positive change in lives that I encounter.
Vision : Through honest and powerful written words that will not come back void.

Thinking about it now, I realised that what I want is not exactly similar. These are the desires of my heart :

To be a better person.
To write, creatively or not, and change lives.
To travel and see ALL the beauty in the world.

You

And all at once, I realised that, I don't put priority on my studies. Nor my work. Nor the friviolities in life.
So, when all else is taken away, when all else is boiled, stripped, peeled and filtered...
These are all that remain that makes any sense to me.