Slipping and Sliding

I take three back for one forward
Sliding, inexorably
I take and I take, such a coward
Slipping, uncontrolably
I live in time now backward
Sliding inevitably
I try it on my own, so wayward
Slipping, definitely
I try and I fail, is it onward?
Sliding, shakily
I pray for grace, trying, heading forward
Slipping and Sliding, Lord, catch me...

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Disappearing Act

This writer is currently on a holiday.
Normal publishing will continue after (or likely sporadically here and there when the writing bug bites).

Have a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year!

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Ineffable? Or Inexcusable?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels but do not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor, and give my body over to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

And here I thought I was good.

I had a conversation with someone extremely dear to me and she asked me what I thought love was.

I said that it was undefinable, ineffable, unfathomable.

But I was/am wrong.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And who, having love defined as such, can say they have truly been loved?

Surely not by a human.

*1 Corinthians 13:1 - 7

You Know That Feeling?

You know that feeling?

It makes everything matter that little bit more.

It feels like half your heart is missing.

It makes possible what you once thought was not.

It makes you want to be that person, the one reflected in her eyes.

It makes time go three times faster (or three times slower).

It causes tongues to twist, hearts to beat erratically, butterflies in weird places, breaths to disappear.

You know the feeling?

It's called love.

The Little Things

"You know," he said with unusual somberness, "I asked my father once why kenders were so little, why we weren't big like humans and elves. I really wanted to be big," he said softly, and for a moment he was quiet.

"What did your father say?" asked Fizban gently.

"He said kenders were small because we were meant to do small things. 'If you looked at all the big things in the world closely,' he said, 'you'll see that they're really made up of small things all joined together.' That big dragon down there comes to nothing but tiny drops of blood, maybe. It's the small things that make the difference."

"Very wise, your father."

"Yes," Tas brushed his hands across his eyes. "I haven't seen him in a long time." The kender's pointed chin jutted forward, his lips tightened. His father, if he had seen him, would not have known this small, resolute person for his son.

"We'll leave the big things to the others," Tas announced finally. "They've got Tanis and Sturm and Goldmoon. They'll manage. We'll do the small thing, even if it doesn't seem very important. We're going to rescue Sestun."

Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight

So often, in our quest to do the big things, to change the world, we forget that it's the small things that make the difference.

Searchers

To the doubters, don't stop asking why.

To the wanderers, don't stop looking over the horizon.

To the dreamers, don't stop believing in the impossible.

To the lovers, find that one person, and hold on to her forever.

To the broken, know that you are not alone out there.

To the faithless, please, just look at the beauty around you.

To the lost, don't stop searching for the road home.

To the searchers, keep reaching for that little bit more.


"...For wanderers and dreamers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves."
There are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves by James Kavanaugh 
And to my one, my only, don't stop believing that in you lies inherent greatness that one day will change the world.

It'll-Be-Fine

Before I begin, let me just say that I got a score of 17 on the Narcissistic Personality Index (a series of 40 questions that roughly estimates a person's narcissism level). Celebrities have an average of 18, while a score of 21 and above indicates a problem and I recommend immediate psychiatric treatment.

from The elusive "Sander vitreus vitreus"

I have this perception/misconception that I have always been - and will always be - bigger than my problems. It doesn't matter what the problem is - work, assignments, strange encounters of the not-very-kind. So far, I still keep to my if-the-world-still-spins-after-it'll-be-fine philosophy.

It is not that I don't care about the results; every piece of work I hand up/create I do it to the best of my capabilities. It is not that I don't care about the consequences, I do.

It's just that from where I stand, all of it - the work, the assignments, the probably-will-take-a-miracle-to-solve-its will eventually work themselves out if I (and sometimes, we) do our part, stressing about it could very possibly ruin a good piece of work.

So put your leg up. Then put your laptop on top of them. Lean back and take a sip of coffee. Take a couple of breathes.

And start working.

Sic Semper Tyrannis by Mae

Who Are You?

I saw this scene in a movie (actually, I am pretty sure it is a scene repeated in a few movies) once.

'Who are you?' Guy A (usually old and wise) asks Guy B (usually young and ignorant).
'My name is Guy B, I-'
'No, I didn't ask your name, I asked 'Who are you?',' Guy A cuts him off mid-sentence.
'Well, I work as an engineer, but I like-'
'No, I didn't ask what you do, I asked 'Who are you?',' Guy A again cuts him off mid-sentence.
'Yes, I was just saying - but I love to travel, I regret-'
'No! I didn't ask what you love to do! I asked 'Who Are You?'!' Guy A yells in exasperation.


Guy B, taken aback, yells in return, 'Will you please let me finish? How can I answer when you keep cutting me off?'


Hearing no reply, Guy B sniffs and answers the original question. 'So, I am-' and he stops, bewildered, and was silent for a few seconds.


Then, 'I have no idea who I am.'


Guy A smiles. 'And that, is the right answer.'

My point is this: what defines you as a person? Or maybe, what do you let define you? What makes you distinctly you? There is no wrong answer (but having no wrong, can it have a right one?). Your answer is your own, and if you think about it, it may surprise you.

So.... Who Are You?
...

Two is Better Than One

Things that are awesome by themselves but mind-blowing together:

1. Banana + Bacon

2. Peanut butter + Jam

3. Cheese + Ham

4. Fries + Vinegar

5. Rain + Lightning

6. Fire + Raw meat

7. Hot drink + Cold morning

8. Your open palm + My open palm

9. Sand + Sea

10. You + Me

Childish, Childlike

I want to see everything in the world as if I am looking at it for the first time.

I want to see the world as a playground; a place of mad, inexplicable fun.

I want to see beauty in darkness as I do in light.

I want to believe in Faith, Hope and Love.

I want to believe that of these, the greatest is Love.

I want to go on never-ending adventures and non-stop quests for things that make no sense.

I want to be childlike again.

You Are More

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

But don't you know who you are?

What has been done for you

Yeah, don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create

You've been remade

Cause this is not about what you've done

But what's been done for you

This is not about where you've been

But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about  what you feel

But what He felt to forgive you

And what He felt to make you loved...

Forgiveness can't be earned.

All that's been done, all that wants doing and all that will be will never come close to earning it.

But even through all the brokenness and dirt, it has been assured, if only we'd acknowledge it.

Love and forgiveness is given, because He wants to.

Because you are more.

Hello, Darkness

Hello darkness, my old friend

Now, stand, again you are here

We parted, you left and were gone

Is it as bad as I fear?

No, old friend, it is not bad

You don't remember my words

Complacency made you fat

No, not bad, it is much worse

My lessons you've forgotten

Your wounds are gone, your scars healed

Love again you've now gotten

The holes in your heart are filled

So here I am, here I stand

It is time to walk this bend

Better now, while still you stand

Better now while still you can

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

A Photo

A photo, can say a thousand things

But they can't say the million things

I wanna say.

No, it can't.

But a photo can remind you of a smile.

It can remind you of that second in time when everything was perfect.

It can remind me of a time when we felt most alive.

It can remind me of you.

Open Doors

I believe in Divine Intervention, in a God who is personal and so madly in love with you that He wants to be a part of your everyday life. I believe that  He has given me a map for my adventures and all the future random ramblings of my life.

I also believe that He open doors for me; gateways into whole new adventures in my life.

And yet, often I don't even realise it is happening, that I've left the old room and have already stepped into a new one, a whole new adventure. And I bemoan the fact that things are not the way they are anymore. That I don't like this new experience, that why can't I have the old and comfortable and the used and the holey.

Sometimes, He doesn't open the door for you. He locks the door. He lets you stay in that one place, where it eventually becomes boring and uninteresting and uninspiring and mundane. And I rant and wail and pray my eyes out but to no avail. Why? Isn't He a God who opens doors?

Ah, but did it ever occur to you that He keeps you there because there is a lesson there that you have not learned yet? That there is an unexplored corner in the room, waiting for you, but in your want and haste to exit the room you don't see it. He keeps you there because He has a lesson for you for that particular season that He wants to teach. So the sooner you learn it, the better.

So when (not if, when) the door opens for you, walk through and enjoy the new room. I miss the old rooms, the old experiences but dwelling on the fact may hinder me from having my full experience in the new room. Before He opens another door - the exit from this one - I will have fun and squeeze it dry.

'...Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.'

1 Cor 15:32 (NIV)

You've Got a Friend In Me

A friend of mine, Andrea, wrote this a few weeks back. I remember feeling very strongly about it when I first read it. I still do when I read it now.

And so, here's to all of you that have disappeared and walked away from my life. Here's to those that have remained and we still walk together. Finally, here's to those who only recently started walking with me.

A ruddy drop of manly blood

The surging sea outweighs,

The world uncertain comes and goes;

The lover rooted stays.

I fancied he was fled,—

And, after many a year,

Glowed unexhausted kindliness,

Like daily sunrise there.

My careful heart was free again,

O friend, my bosom said,

Through thee alone the sky is arched,

Through thee the rose is red;

All things through thee take nobler form,

And look beyond the earth,

The mill-round of our fate appears

A sun-path in thy worth.

Me too thy nobleness had taught

To master my despair;

The fountains of my hidden life

Are through thy friendship fair.

Friendship by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lifesize

All for love,
We become larger than lifesize, wondersome
Great in the eyes of someone...


Lifesize by A Fine Frenzy

So THIS is Normal

Normal is the accepted paradigm, society's dogma that it forces down the throat of all and sundry.

How can it be 'normal' to love someone who makes you feel like you're two inches tall?

How can it be 'normal' to look at the majesty of the universe and conclude that we evolved from apes?

How can hate, lies, dog-eat-dog, judgement and control be 'normal'?

So you go on ahead and keep your normal and keep that whole spectrum.

As for me, I go to search for something that I am sure still exist in this world.

And if it doesn't, I will create it.

The Afters - Never Going Back To OK

Wild at Heart Part 1

The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force.

Matthew 11:12

John Eldrege started the book saying that man was born in the outback, from the untamed part of creation. This here is not another self-help book for men or boys, it is a book on masculinity, or the lack thereof. He explains why the modern man is so stifled, so incomplete. 

Adventure, with all its requisite danger and wildness, is a deeply spiritual longing written into the soul of man. The masculine heart needs a place where nothing is prefabricated, modular, non-fat, zip lock, franchised, on line, microwavable. Where there are no deadlines, cell phones, or committee meetings. Where there is room for the soul. Where, finally, the geography around us corresponds to the geography of our heart.

He pointed out that society at large can't make up its mind about men...redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men. He goes on to say that that's what we hold up as role models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink or swear; that's what makes us men.

I know this all may seem silly; asking Real Christian Men to smoke and drink (he never said that, he was illustrating a point) but can you see where we men have gone so horribly wrong? We tiptoe around people, afraid of saying what needs to be said, trying to be 'the nice guy', but if you and I are honest about it, we are scared. We are not trying to 'keep the peace', we are downright scared.

We all agree that we are made in the image of Almighty God. Here, I want to remind you that the God we serve is Passionate, Fierce, Wild, Dangerous, Unfettered, Free. The Jesus that I know does not tiptoe around the enemy or avoids an issue because it will 'preserve the unity of the church'. He attacks! There are so many examples in the bible. I would never have used the word gentleman to describe Jesus, He does not let His enemy retreat 'honourably'. Does this make sense to you now? We are made in the image of God, and while God is many things, Really Nice Guy is one that I have never heard attached to Him.

perspective...

I believe this to be the best answer to those three questions yet.

that thin, broken line...

No one said that it would be easy.

No one said it wouldn't bleed.

No one said you may never recover from it.

No one said the pain could be more than you can bear.

And no one said the road runs straight.

But, only that it is worth it in the end.

Because what's worth the prize is always worth the fight.

Listening to Jason Walker - Down

smells and music...

I process the world through smells and music, she said with a girlish giggle as she sniffed at her hair. The song Ocean Wide by The Afters played quietly in the background as her fingers played a graceful staccato on the keyboard.

What are you doing?

Blogging..writing..bleeding. The last was said with a smile. It was two o'clock in the morning. Sleep deprivation inspires me.

He smiled in a corner of his sleep-hazed mind. Trust her to wake up at two in the morning to write.

The room was dark and her laptop cast a haunting glow on her beautiful features.

I'm almost done... Her voiced trailed off as her mind went back to the creative task at hand. Her hands flew about the keyboard; he has never seen someone type so fast with so much precision.

There, done! She smiled in simple delight and closed the Macbook.

He opened his mouth to ask Wha-

I wrote about the way I take in the world, the way I process it. Smells and Music, she said as she went back under the covers next to him and kissed him on the cheek. A minute later she was asleep, snuggled up next to him.

He breathed in her scent softly and listened to her rhythmic breathing, the steady beat of her heart.

Smells and Music.

He pulled her closer to himself.

Yeah...me too.

a story and a lie...

I read You Had Me At Hello by Adam Young of Owl City, and it reminded me of something I wrote not too long ago.

Crazy right? That two people, from two different lives, from two different everything just happened to meet up. That two people, random strangers, just happen to meet up at the right place and at the right time.


This is a fairytale, a story dreamt up by an artist, a dreamer, a story that has no place in real life, a story of a random happenstance and insomnia, of a road not taken and a fork that was. It is a lie.

To you maybe...Not to me, it isn't.

the games that play us...

I wrote on my old blog about the games that play us, a long time ago. If you don't want to read it, I will summarise it for you.


I wrote there about God, and how if everything has been planned by Him - being a perfect God, His plans DON'T fail - and how we were planned to sin to begin with and how He can't throw us into everlasting darkness because HE planned it.


I'm probably wiser now, but I still don't have the answer; show me a person who does and I will show you a liar. I don't know the answer, but what I do know is this: that He loves you and I, and that He has the best plans for you.


I figured that the whole reason I came up with that argument, or that train of thought, is simply because I didn't want to take responsibilities for my actions. I didn't want the responsibilities - nor the consequences - that came with the actions that I've made.  I am in control of my own destiny, and I didn't want to know that I have screwed up. I didn't want the responsibility, so I blamed someone and pushed the responsibility to Him. I didn't want to fix my own mistakes, so I sprinkled lies over these mistakes and decorated them with fear and pretty words.


No, I still don't have the answer and I still screw up. But my mistakes were my own, my actions were my own and I don't care for the answer now.


I don't need the answer to live a life wanting to be better than I was yesterday. I don't need the answer to be a better me, I don't need the answer to know that I have a loving God.

the other side of the fence...

to be in front of the lens, instead of behind it.

to be playing  in front of a thousand screaming fans, instead of screaming along with that thousand.

to inspire, instead of being inspired.

to have songs written about you, instead of writing them.

to have words dedicated to you, instead of dedicating them to another.

...it is a nice place to be...

grace...

I struggle with this sometimes and try as I might, I don't understand this word:

Grace.

A small word, one that is used in day to day vocabulary.

I don't understand it, but I do know this.

That it cannot be earned.

That it is given freely.

That it is given to the undeserved.

That is immeasurably powerful.

That Grace redeems and it saves.

It is a second chance, a third, a forth, even a fifth if need be.

I don't know the word, I don't understand it,
but I am grateful for second chances.

soundtrack of my summer...

I can't believe I have not done this already,

but here goes:

a compilation called Summer '10; the soundtrack of my summer.

01. A Day Late by Anberlin

02. Sand In Your Shoes by This Providence

03. All This Time by One Republic

04. 23 by Jimmy Eat World

05. Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk

06. Think Of Me by Rosi Golan

07. Airplanes by B.O.B featuring Hayley Williams

08. Terrified by Katherine Mcphee feat. Zachary Levi

09. You Could Be The One by Bethany Dillon

10. Summer's Song by Dear Juliet

11. Retrace by Anberlin

12. The Only Exception by Paramore

13. Anywhere But Here by Safetysuit

14. Nothing Like You & I by The Perishers

15. Ready and Waiting To Fall by Mae

16. Your Voice

redemption...

you ever wonder why you're still here?
why? even after everything you've been through?
even after your will has been broken and that last step you took was meant for oblivion?

maybe...maybe you're still here for a reason.

maybe you're still here for redemption.

maybe in your redemption, another can find his.

anything you want it to be...

This is you.

This is me.

This is everything that could be.

This could be everything you ever wanted.

This could be anything, everything you want it to be.

Believe it.

trying to string broken words through fractured feelings...

and i will sing along...

Glen Hasard : Falling Slowly

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

and I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

and I'm painted black

You have suffered enough

and warred with yourself

It's time you won

Take this sinking boat, and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice

You've made it now

Falling slowly, sing your melody

I'll sing along...

i don't know...

I don't know where I will be in a year.

I don't know what I will doing then.

I don't know if I will enjoy it.

I don't know if I will want it by then.

I don't know if I will still be here.

I don't know if everything will be the same.

I don't know if I want it to be.

I don't know who I'll be.

I don't know..and it's killing me...

a pocket full of bones...

I have this closet, and I have not opened it for a long time.

Few know of its existence, even fewer have seen it.

I don't remember what it holds, but maybe it is because I choose not to.

Or, maybe, I dare not to.

The key that opens the locked drawers have long been lost..or maybe it was misplaced on purpose.

The drawers hold nothing much, but, oh, how much import they do hold.

A shred of this and a piece of that. A bottle of this and a sliver of that.

A shard of a dream and a rag full of blood.

I will weigh it down and bury it at sea, locking it anew and throw away the key.

But I know that in doing so, I will never find redemption.

twisted message...

You know, as a writer, I get irritated (heck, I think anyone will be irritated) when someone misquotes me, or when someone twists what I write out of perspective into their very own.

Of course, that said, some of what I write (or anyone) is definitely open to the reader's concluding prowess...

But again, having said that, when it is a clear, black and white thing, it's definitely irritating when that happens.

And then it made me think (I do that infrequently, but yes, I do).

How many of us have read words in the Bible, and construed it to fit our own end?

For example, in the Bible it says to leave your parents and go with your wife. And I personally know people who leave them entirely out of their lives because 'it is in the Bible'.

Or that 'tattooing is a sin!!' because in the Bible it is said don't mark your skin, but again, it is in their context. 

Or when you read a verse, and go on to explain that 'to me, this verse means this and that'.

Why don't we read a book and try to understand it in the author's original context without messing up the message in our minds?

But then..if the message changes a life (for the better), even if misconstrued, will the message not have served its purpose?

note: this is one of those posts where the reader can draw his/her own conclusion. and it will be interesting to know what it is, so drop me a message or something...

rain beautiful, beautiful rain...

For as long as I remember, I have loved the rain...

I love the smell of rain, right before it pours and the smell of ozone when there is lightning...

I love the way a drizzle sprinkles diamonds in one's hair

I love the piercing, needle points of pain that stings when it rains heavily.

I love running through it and I imagine myself a ghost, unseen behind a liquid curtain...

There is something holy about the rain.

All creatures hunker down and wait it out.

The world slows down and, in my opinion, goes back to its original pace.

All the dirt, all that is wrong and all the uncleanness are washed away.

And if I stand in it, I'd like to think the same will happen to me.

And if you read this, one day, I'd like to take you with me, and we will stand in the rain, hand in hand...

quiet desperation...

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden.

Selah.

Henry David Thoreau wrote the quote above in the first chapter of his book, Walden.

In the book, he left everything behind to live in the woods next to Walden Pond, to go back to the essentials of life: food, water, shelter, clothes on a man's back.
More importantly, he learned to think, to be left alone to one's thoughts.

Have you ever wondered how much noise there is in the world we live in now?

Not noise as in sound-waves, but the noise in our head.

How many of you really take the time to sit/stand/kneel/whatever and be alone with our thoughts?

How many will reflect on the day gone by, wonder at how it could be improved for tomorrow and resolve that tomorrow will not be the same as today?

An unexamined life is not worth living.

Socrates

The title of this blog, Selah, is a Hebrew word with no literal English translation.

In it's very essence, it means He who has ears, let him hear.

It means to take pause from the noise, pause and really understand what you have read.

Pause, take a step out of the rush hour traffic of life and maybe, alone on the sidewalk, you can learn to breathe again.

Selah.

stepping up, pushing on...

...Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back'. 

Nathan Scott, OTH

Broken and empty, victory seems impossible.

You lost the heart so long ago, you don't remember why you are here, save that you are.

Holding a sword, fighting a battle you are afraid of.

Fighting a battle you seem so sure you will not win.

It has always been a battle, nothing has changed except you.

It will always be a battle, putting your sword down won't change that fact.

You will lose if you don't keep your heart.

You will lose if you leave that sword on the ground.

You will lose if you don't step up and push back.

And you will die.

i'm still searching but...

Retrace by Anberlin

And no where else has ever felt like home. 
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone. 
I replay your voice, it's like you're here. 
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling. 

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night. 
In my mind, I'm back by your side. 
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away. 
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

we're singing...

Rain Down by Delirious

unpredictability...

Life is unpredictable. Deal with it.
When you least expect it, it turns and spits in your face. 
When you are defending against its jabs and right hooks, it throws you an upper hook and floors you.
Yes, life can be a mean little doggie whose favourite toy you just stole.

To many, the unpredictability of life always results in bad situations and circumstances.

I believe this unpredictability to be a gift; it does not result in swirlies all the time.

The very person I am, I am, because of the unpredictability.
I had a short stint doing a cool job because of it.
I ended up in Life, and subsequently, Segi, because of this unpredictability.
I met some of the closest friends I have in my life because of this.
I found my passion, to shape the world with words, through the strangest of circumstances.
I am now in Mass Comm, not in Engineering, because of it as well.
And because of the twists and turns and conundrums of this game,
I met the most awesome girl, ever. Ever.

The unpredictability of life is a gift.
Yes, you can deal with it with resentment.
Or you can embrace it.

a quiet chapter...

I remember saying once, that I am contented and happy with what life was at the moment.

And then someone dear to me said something along these lines, "That's when I am most afraid."

We are what we are, human, and contentment and happiness are what we definitely strive for.

But the more I think about it, contentment and happiness will/can hinder you from achieving what you can, the heights that you can soar.

Because when you are content, why would you want to soar? When you are happy to be where you are, the impetus to be somewhere else is lessened. And in some of us, it disappears entirely.

So don't be happy, and don't be content?

No, that is definitely not what I am saying.

I am saying to be both of that, but don't forget that there is more out there.

There is always more to have - have, does not necessarily mean monetary gains.

For some of us, there is someone waiting for you out there, for some of us your dream is yours, if only you would have the courage to grab the bulls by his cohones.

So don't stay in a state of contentment, live and do a little, maybe even a little dangerously.

Live.

think again...

you think you are whole within yourself.

you think you need no one else.

you think all you ever need, you can provide for yourself.

you think -

i think you need to stop thinking.

ragdolls amongst broken walls...

What is it in us that wants to believe? Our inner being cries out for something greater, something more, something that is oft ineffable, a puff of smoke that we can never grasp.

We all, either consciously or unconsciously, want to believe in something. It is undeniable. Since the dawn of time, men have been putting faces to their beliefs, a face to their gods. In our age now, men believes in the god of self, that he is god and god is he. How much more conceited can man be, that he liken himself to god?

Apropos, whatever you believe in, wherever you believe it, you believe in something, though most often you don't understand why, and in this ignorance, men put a familiar face on their gods.

We are made to have a relationship with something/one greater, and that is why our inner being cries out, but blinded and lame, we stumble around not knowing what is it that we seek, or even why there is this void in our soul that none can fill.

We are made to believe in something greater.
And we, men and women, are not 'something greater'.
And a god created by man is not a god.

ten thousand miles next to me...

day 1 without you by my side.
i don't agree with the conclusion of the song.

To: God...

Dear God,

All my life, I have tried my best to live up to Your tenets, though human I am, and fall I always will, even then did You pick and will pick me up. All I need You give in Your infinite generosity and so, I hardly ever ask for anything, and I certainly never demanded You do anything for me. Even so, in Your love for me, You gave me one of Your greatest treasures, to keep and to hold and to be responsible for, and I pray now that I am worthy of this treasure. Thank you, dear Lord, that You think me worthy.

And so, dear Father, I ask only for two things today. 

First, is that this priceless gem that You've given me will always be happy and she will always find reason to smile. Second, is that You will keep this gem safe.

Thank You, Father.

Amen.

i will try...

i won't say what you need me to say

i won't be on time

i won't remember our important dates

i won't be there to wipe away your tears

i won't remember to tell you how important you are to me

i won't be enough for you

i'll disappoint you

i'll screw up

but i will say the things you need to hear

even if it pains me to say it

but i will always get there

and i will get there as soon as i can

but i will make it up to you

and i will surprise you when you least expect it

but i will hold you as tight as i can, whenever i can

and i will kiss all your those tears away

but when i do, i will tell you again and again. and again. and again.

because you are more than important to me

but all i am is yours to have

wholly and freely given

but i will always do my best

and make you proud of me

but i will try

because you are worth it

i will try.

adapted from I Wrote This For You: The Glittering Phoenix Burns Again