i will try...

i won't say what you need me to say

i won't be on time

i won't remember our important dates

i won't be there to wipe away your tears

i won't remember to tell you how important you are to me

i won't be enough for you

i'll disappoint you

i'll screw up

but i will say the things you need to hear

even if it pains me to say it

but i will always get there

and i will get there as soon as i can

but i will make it up to you

and i will surprise you when you least expect it

but i will hold you as tight as i can, whenever i can

and i will kiss all your those tears away

but when i do, i will tell you again and again. and again. and again.

because you are more than important to me

but all i am is yours to have

wholly and freely given

but i will always do my best

and make you proud of me

but i will try

because you are worth it

i will try.

adapted from I Wrote This For You: The Glittering Phoenix Burns Again

pinch me is this real?...

safe inside my mind i hide...

a square within a circle within a triangle...

if you ask me, i would say you can.

and that you will.

but if i ask me,

no, i won't say the same.

stopping those two hands...

tick.

i had a dream

tock.

when i woke, you weren't there...

t

i

c

k

t

o

c

k

.

.

.

stop.

please, let me dream again...

a short drop and a sudden stop...

in your eyes...

i see my reflection.
an image of the best possible version of me.

 

the knife edge...

standing on a knife-edge

to the left, a sheer drop into a raging sea

the right, a sheer drop into a deep blackness, unknown and unseen

maybe choosing either is better than standing there with my feet cut and bleeding.

blank canvas...

summer is ending.

for some of us, it is the begining of a new page.

others, the ending of an old chapter and the turning to a new one.

still some more would have finished an entire book and will begin anew with another.

i find myself reverently reading through this chapter of summer,

rereading and memorising all the beautiful words.

words that make me smile like an idiot, words that bring me comfort and joy;

thunderstorms in bright sunlight.

the first chapter has ended.

the next page is yet empty, unwritten; a blank canvas.

and i always say that to know the quality of a book beforehand,
read the first chapter.

the paradox...

The Paradox

To exist in the daylight, only to want to at night

The need to be good,  standing opposite the want to be bad

To enjoy the warmth of the sun, and the bitter chill of rain

Feeling lost and blind, yet refusing to look at any signs
To be able to have eyes but not see, ears that will not hear
To want to reach something /one so much, but at the same time, not
As kids we were told that 'the world is yours if you will take it'
only to find the layers of lies, all hidden in plain truth
To exist in black and white, but living in only shades of grey

what i want(ed)...

I was at a conference recently, and they asked me to list down the purpose, the mission and the vision of my life.
!!!
have any of you thought about it before? of course I did, but I never have in such explicit terms before.
needless to say, I wrote the first three things (I edited it a little) that came into my mind:

Purpose : To make a difference.
Mission : To affect a positive change in lives that I encounter.
Vision : Through honest and powerful written words that will not come back void.

Thinking about it now, I realised that what I want is not exactly similar. These are the desires of my heart :

To be a better person.
To write, creatively or not, and change lives.
To travel and see ALL the beauty in the world.

You

And all at once, I realised that, I don't put priority on my studies. Nor my work. Nor the friviolities in life.
So, when all else is taken away, when all else is boiled, stripped, peeled and filtered...
These are all that remain that makes any sense to me.