worse week ever..

for real.

so last week, something happened. and that something resulted in my losing something i really need, which now results in me being perpetually broke. i have, for the rest of the month, 68 ringgit to my name. while my erstwhile friend will suggest i do something with my bottom, i don't think i am that broke..i am really really embarassed by what happened. thus the ambiguity. and here i thought on my blog i can write about anything i want. :S

and then ytd, i received another piece of bad news.  the bad news resulted in my using my last 60, thus, 8 left. it's not so much as the loss of the money, hell, i'll make it back one day, but..again, the shame. sigh. and thus, morale is at an all time low. i did what i could to rectify the situation, and i believe i did my best. not that it'll go away. you may earn forgiveness, but the consequences one will still have to face. god why have i been so stupid? what was i thinking? evidently, i wasn't.

so now, here we go again.

i gave God a list. not like, demands or anythin. just that, when i pray, i tell Him that if this and this happens, then i will take it as a sign that this or that would be m path. thus far, He has not failed, and He won't, and thus my current path. i read over two years ago a book.

Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.

it is a christian book, a 40 day devotional title. i remember one thing only after this two years, i am not quoting, but it goes something like this:

It is unimportant (this part sounds wrong, but that's how i remembered it) that God show you a path for your life. More important is that in your current path, you walk a Godly walk.

i can't dumb it down further, but i have to say, i did not. i did not in my a-levs, i did not in my relationship with Esther, i did not in my foundations, and i still do not in my life. it is human to be fallible, of course, but to succumb to temptation when so obviously it is sin, is beyond reckoning.

sometimes, i wonder, about the bridge of the song Hosanna by Hillsongs Aus.

heal my heart and make it clean

open up my eyes to the things unseen

show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what breaks Yours

everything i am for your kingdom's cause

as i walk from earth into...eternity...

break mine for what breaks Yours...break mine for what breaks Yours...break mine...

-jing-