A Quiet Perspective: Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

Hello, dear Reader.

I've been gone for a while. I know, I know, I always disappear, leaving people and friends behind. It seems to be a recurring failure that I can't seem to shake. In this age of all-pervasive media, I think disappearing is in itself an achievement, although for those that care about me, my bouts of disappearance can really try friendships. It's a wonder, sometimes I think, that I have so many people around that care, and because of you, yes you, I shall endeavour to be a part of here and now, and not be apart from it.

So, before I begin, this is a small diversion from my usual writing - it's quite personal, so here goes.

Like I said, I disappear. It's what I do. In essence, it's not much different from running away. Even though I am in a great relationship now, last year, around this time, my previous relationship was going the way of Titanic, and I did what I did best - run away. I quit social media, I stopped meeting new people, and if I am being honest, I neglected a lot of things close to my heart. I was asked this question the other day: What matters to me?

Last year, I would have answered that question would a dozen or so passionate answers, coupled with some very long-winded explanations. This time around, my answer was this: nothing. Nothing matters. Sad, yes? Ask yourself this: What cannot you lose? The answer would be everything that matters to you. And for me, I have nothing I cannot lose.

And so, all at once, it seemed like everything was as Soloman said, 'a chasing of the wind'.

Through all that, it seemed even God was quite far away. I am sure even when I don't hear Him, He hears me, but like I said, I was running away from everything that made me, me. The sagacious wisdom of hindsight afforded that a relationship fails because one was not good enough, and since I was not good enough, I didn't like any part of who I was and stopped being it.

And so, only upon that realisation was I able to move forward, and now, forward I've moved - or maybe I am just back to where once was, and now am moving forward.

Echoes, silence, patience and grace. It's a line from Home by Foo Fighters and aptly, I am returning home. We all hear echoes of who we used to be, and compare it to who we are now. Sometimes all we have is silence. Some will try to fill the silence, but some, like me, let it consume us.

And when the silence has faded, we realise that patience and grace was afforded to us, sometimes by those who could ill afford it, but afforded nonetheless. It is amazing what these two can do for you, and to you.

It's been a long road, and finally, here I am, and I am sure I will eventually find something, or something will find me.

So, after the heavy period of self-reflection, a little update on my comings and goings.

I have been accepted as an Intern at autogridz, a motoring lifestyle magazine (if you're wondering what that means, hit me up, or you can check the website out), and I hope to be able to go into the industry full-time after this season.

Of course I'm excited - I have a dream, and I will tell you about it one day, but in essence, this is one step closer to it.

And to end this with an apt quote: