Killing God

I drove along, lost in my thoughts and almost ran a cat over today. After some screeching - some by the car and some by the cat..and a little bit by me - my adrenaline soaked brain went into overdrive and increased the speed of my thought processes...

Anyways, to my point. The near accident - near, because I succeeded at saving one of the cat's nine lives but almost lost my only one - got me to thinking:

How does God feel when we reject Him?

We are all familiar with the whole basis of Christianity - Jesus died that you might live. And for many of us, it's enough to just believe and accept Him, and we're on our way to heaven. But it's lacking somehow.

This year, I learned that God is crazy about you, in a way that you're crazy about the person you love. He's eager to please you, to give you little gifts, He wants to spend time with you, quality time, not just a few mumbled prayers before sleep. He wants you to be the best person you can possibly be. He wants to be a priority in your life. Isn't that what everyone wants? To mean something to someone, to know that someone is thinking about you all the time, that someone can't get you out of their heads - and they're not even trying to.

That's exactly what He wants, a very human kind of love - an imperfect kind of love. I had trouble trying to understand that He was crazy about me in that way, and then, when eventually I figured out that He wants to be wanted in that very same way, it just blew my mind.

The sad thing, though, is that I don't. I don't yearn to spend time with Him the way He does with me. I reciprocate His intensity with ambivalence, with nonchalance and a blase attitude.

You and I know how it feels, to be not wanted. To hope, to feel, to yearn and to bleed, to want with all our being, and to have all of it, returned with nothing. We all know how it feels to be rejected, how deeply it affects and warps and hurts.

And that's exactly how He feels.
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