stepping up, pushing on...

...Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back'. 

Nathan Scott, OTH

Broken and empty, victory seems impossible.

You lost the heart so long ago, you don't remember why you are here, save that you are.

Holding a sword, fighting a battle you are afraid of.

Fighting a battle you seem so sure you will not win.

It has always been a battle, nothing has changed except you.

It will always be a battle, putting your sword down won't change that fact.

You will lose if you don't keep your heart.

You will lose if you leave that sword on the ground.

You will lose if you don't step up and push back.

And you will die.

i'm still searching but...

Retrace by Anberlin

And no where else has ever felt like home. 
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone. 
I replay your voice, it's like you're here. 
You move the earth, but now the sky is falling. 

Retrace the steps we took on that long summer night. 
In my mind, I'm back by your side. 
Retrace the steps we took when we met worlds away. 
Counting backwards while the stars are falling.

we're singing...

Rain Down by Delirious

unpredictability...

Life is unpredictable. Deal with it.
When you least expect it, it turns and spits in your face. 
When you are defending against its jabs and right hooks, it throws you an upper hook and floors you.
Yes, life can be a mean little doggie whose favourite toy you just stole.

To many, the unpredictability of life always results in bad situations and circumstances.

I believe this unpredictability to be a gift; it does not result in swirlies all the time.

The very person I am, I am, because of the unpredictability.
I had a short stint doing a cool job because of it.
I ended up in Life, and subsequently, Segi, because of this unpredictability.
I met some of the closest friends I have in my life because of this.
I found my passion, to shape the world with words, through the strangest of circumstances.
I am now in Mass Comm, not in Engineering, because of it as well.
And because of the twists and turns and conundrums of this game,
I met the most awesome girl, ever. Ever.

The unpredictability of life is a gift.
Yes, you can deal with it with resentment.
Or you can embrace it.

a quiet chapter...

I remember saying once, that I am contented and happy with what life was at the moment.

And then someone dear to me said something along these lines, "That's when I am most afraid."

We are what we are, human, and contentment and happiness are what we definitely strive for.

But the more I think about it, contentment and happiness will/can hinder you from achieving what you can, the heights that you can soar.

Because when you are content, why would you want to soar? When you are happy to be where you are, the impetus to be somewhere else is lessened. And in some of us, it disappears entirely.

So don't be happy, and don't be content?

No, that is definitely not what I am saying.

I am saying to be both of that, but don't forget that there is more out there.

There is always more to have - have, does not necessarily mean monetary gains.

For some of us, there is someone waiting for you out there, for some of us your dream is yours, if only you would have the courage to grab the bulls by his cohones.

So don't stay in a state of contentment, live and do a little, maybe even a little dangerously.

Live.

think again...

you think you are whole within yourself.

you think you need no one else.

you think all you ever need, you can provide for yourself.

you think -

i think you need to stop thinking.

ragdolls amongst broken walls...

What is it in us that wants to believe? Our inner being cries out for something greater, something more, something that is oft ineffable, a puff of smoke that we can never grasp.

We all, either consciously or unconsciously, want to believe in something. It is undeniable. Since the dawn of time, men have been putting faces to their beliefs, a face to their gods. In our age now, men believes in the god of self, that he is god and god is he. How much more conceited can man be, that he liken himself to god?

Apropos, whatever you believe in, wherever you believe it, you believe in something, though most often you don't understand why, and in this ignorance, men put a familiar face on their gods.

We are made to have a relationship with something/one greater, and that is why our inner being cries out, but blinded and lame, we stumble around not knowing what is it that we seek, or even why there is this void in our soul that none can fill.

We are made to believe in something greater.
And we, men and women, are not 'something greater'.
And a god created by man is not a god.

ten thousand miles next to me...

day 1 without you by my side.
i don't agree with the conclusion of the song.

To: God...

Dear God,

All my life, I have tried my best to live up to Your tenets, though human I am, and fall I always will, even then did You pick and will pick me up. All I need You give in Your infinite generosity and so, I hardly ever ask for anything, and I certainly never demanded You do anything for me. Even so, in Your love for me, You gave me one of Your greatest treasures, to keep and to hold and to be responsible for, and I pray now that I am worthy of this treasure. Thank you, dear Lord, that You think me worthy.

And so, dear Father, I ask only for two things today. 

First, is that this priceless gem that You've given me will always be happy and she will always find reason to smile. Second, is that You will keep this gem safe.

Thank You, Father.

Amen.

i will try...

i won't say what you need me to say

i won't be on time

i won't remember our important dates

i won't be there to wipe away your tears

i won't remember to tell you how important you are to me

i won't be enough for you

i'll disappoint you

i'll screw up

but i will say the things you need to hear

even if it pains me to say it

but i will always get there

and i will get there as soon as i can

but i will make it up to you

and i will surprise you when you least expect it

but i will hold you as tight as i can, whenever i can

and i will kiss all your those tears away

but when i do, i will tell you again and again. and again. and again.

because you are more than important to me

but all i am is yours to have

wholly and freely given

but i will always do my best

and make you proud of me

but i will try

because you are worth it

i will try.

adapted from I Wrote This For You: The Glittering Phoenix Burns Again