smells and music...

I process the world through smells and music, she said with a girlish giggle as she sniffed at her hair. The song Ocean Wide by The Afters played quietly in the background as her fingers played a graceful staccato on the keyboard.

What are you doing?

Blogging..writing..bleeding. The last was said with a smile. It was two o'clock in the morning. Sleep deprivation inspires me.

He smiled in a corner of his sleep-hazed mind. Trust her to wake up at two in the morning to write.

The room was dark and her laptop cast a haunting glow on her beautiful features.

I'm almost done... Her voiced trailed off as her mind went back to the creative task at hand. Her hands flew about the keyboard; he has never seen someone type so fast with so much precision.

There, done! She smiled in simple delight and closed the Macbook.

He opened his mouth to ask Wha-

I wrote about the way I take in the world, the way I process it. Smells and Music, she said as she went back under the covers next to him and kissed him on the cheek. A minute later she was asleep, snuggled up next to him.

He breathed in her scent softly and listened to her rhythmic breathing, the steady beat of her heart.

Smells and Music.

He pulled her closer to himself.

Yeah...me too.

a story and a lie...

I read You Had Me At Hello by Adam Young of Owl City, and it reminded me of something I wrote not too long ago.

Crazy right? That two people, from two different lives, from two different everything just happened to meet up. That two people, random strangers, just happen to meet up at the right place and at the right time.


This is a fairytale, a story dreamt up by an artist, a dreamer, a story that has no place in real life, a story of a random happenstance and insomnia, of a road not taken and a fork that was. It is a lie.

To you maybe...Not to me, it isn't.

the games that play us...

I wrote on my old blog about the games that play us, a long time ago. If you don't want to read it, I will summarise it for you.


I wrote there about God, and how if everything has been planned by Him - being a perfect God, His plans DON'T fail - and how we were planned to sin to begin with and how He can't throw us into everlasting darkness because HE planned it.


I'm probably wiser now, but I still don't have the answer; show me a person who does and I will show you a liar. I don't know the answer, but what I do know is this: that He loves you and I, and that He has the best plans for you.


I figured that the whole reason I came up with that argument, or that train of thought, is simply because I didn't want to take responsibilities for my actions. I didn't want the responsibilities - nor the consequences - that came with the actions that I've made.  I am in control of my own destiny, and I didn't want to know that I have screwed up. I didn't want the responsibility, so I blamed someone and pushed the responsibility to Him. I didn't want to fix my own mistakes, so I sprinkled lies over these mistakes and decorated them with fear and pretty words.


No, I still don't have the answer and I still screw up. But my mistakes were my own, my actions were my own and I don't care for the answer now.


I don't need the answer to live a life wanting to be better than I was yesterday. I don't need the answer to be a better me, I don't need the answer to know that I have a loving God.

the other side of the fence...

to be in front of the lens, instead of behind it.

to be playing  in front of a thousand screaming fans, instead of screaming along with that thousand.

to inspire, instead of being inspired.

to have songs written about you, instead of writing them.

to have words dedicated to you, instead of dedicating them to another.

...it is a nice place to be...

grace...

I struggle with this sometimes and try as I might, I don't understand this word:

Grace.

A small word, one that is used in day to day vocabulary.

I don't understand it, but I do know this.

That it cannot be earned.

That it is given freely.

That it is given to the undeserved.

That is immeasurably powerful.

That Grace redeems and it saves.

It is a second chance, a third, a forth, even a fifth if need be.

I don't know the word, I don't understand it,
but I am grateful for second chances.

soundtrack of my summer...

I can't believe I have not done this already,

but here goes:

a compilation called Summer '10; the soundtrack of my summer.

01. A Day Late by Anberlin

02. Sand In Your Shoes by This Providence

03. All This Time by One Republic

04. 23 by Jimmy Eat World

05. Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk

06. Think Of Me by Rosi Golan

07. Airplanes by B.O.B featuring Hayley Williams

08. Terrified by Katherine Mcphee feat. Zachary Levi

09. You Could Be The One by Bethany Dillon

10. Summer's Song by Dear Juliet

11. Retrace by Anberlin

12. The Only Exception by Paramore

13. Anywhere But Here by Safetysuit

14. Nothing Like You & I by The Perishers

15. Ready and Waiting To Fall by Mae

16. Your Voice

redemption...

you ever wonder why you're still here?
why? even after everything you've been through?
even after your will has been broken and that last step you took was meant for oblivion?

maybe...maybe you're still here for a reason.

maybe you're still here for redemption.

maybe in your redemption, another can find his.

anything you want it to be...

This is you.

This is me.

This is everything that could be.

This could be everything you ever wanted.

This could be anything, everything you want it to be.

Believe it.

trying to string broken words through fractured feelings...

and i will sing along...

Glen Hasard : Falling Slowly

Falling slowly, eyes that know me

and I can't go back

Moods that take me and erase me

and I'm painted black

You have suffered enough

and warred with yourself

It's time you won

Take this sinking boat, and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice

You've made it now

Falling slowly, sing your melody

I'll sing along...