the games that play us...

I wrote on my old blog about the games that play us, a long time ago. If you don't want to read it, I will summarise it for you.


I wrote there about God, and how if everything has been planned by Him - being a perfect God, His plans DON'T fail - and how we were planned to sin to begin with and how He can't throw us into everlasting darkness because HE planned it.


I'm probably wiser now, but I still don't have the answer; show me a person who does and I will show you a liar. I don't know the answer, but what I do know is this: that He loves you and I, and that He has the best plans for you.


I figured that the whole reason I came up with that argument, or that train of thought, is simply because I didn't want to take responsibilities for my actions. I didn't want the responsibilities - nor the consequences - that came with the actions that I've made.  I am in control of my own destiny, and I didn't want to know that I have screwed up. I didn't want the responsibility, so I blamed someone and pushed the responsibility to Him. I didn't want to fix my own mistakes, so I sprinkled lies over these mistakes and decorated them with fear and pretty words.


No, I still don't have the answer and I still screw up. But my mistakes were my own, my actions were my own and I don't care for the answer now.


I don't need the answer to live a life wanting to be better than I was yesterday. I don't need the answer to be a better me, I don't need the answer to know that I have a loving God.