Recently, I've been watching this tv show called Lie to Me. And, of course, I know that shows are often inaccurate portrayals of life, but sometimes, they are.
While the show was strictly about half truths and whole lies, it made me reflect a little on my character and our society today. Yes, I would say that I am a very good liar, but that's not the point here.
My point is, why don't people say what they want to say? Putting aside controversial remarks and questions, why is it so rare that people tell you exactly what is on their mind? Of course, this may bring about anarchy under some circumstances, but I am talking about answers to the simplest questions.
"How are you today?"
And I would reply that I am fine, when in actual fact, my cat ran away, someone broke in and killed my dog then set my house on fire etcetc. Why is it so hard to tell a person, "Oh, not too good, but thanks for asking."
Of course, there'd be nothing that I could do for you if all of the above actually happened, but I've found that everyone wants to be heard. You disagree? Well, when you hurt, why do you write songs or poems or create art? I write, and then put it here, because I want to be heard and understood.
So, yeah, why? Is it because vulnerability is a weakness? Because, it's not. To be vulnerable is probably one of the greatest acts of courage. It ranks right up there with picking up a spider with your bare hands.
You ever heard the saying, 'Life is not complicated. We make it so.'? I think it'll be so much easier to live this way then trying to figure out what someone is saying or not saying all the time, trying to read in between the lines and trying to understand the thought behind the word.
Or maybe it's time I realised that people actually say the most when they say the least.
as
Sunday, 27 March 2011
People Always Leave
I wanted to save this post for the next few days, but writing is what I do 'whenever hearts are heavy and company not wanted'. I thought this post could not be more juxtaposed with the previous one I wrote, about people and how they find you.
But, come to think of it, it is more of a continuation of the same train of thought. The train just stopped me a little ways farther down the line, in a different station, that's all.
To the point, and you'd have to have read the previous post to fully understand this.
Is there a reason two people walk into each other's lives and then walk out of it again? It's not that they were mere acquaintances, these two people were friends, maybe lovers. They come in, and change your life, as you do theirs, and all of a sudden, they are gone.
People invest a part of their souls into people. That's how change occurs. How can a person, who is so much a part of you, who played so big a part in the person you are today, just disappear? And when you meet again, its two different people. To all intents and purposes, two strangers.
It's just.. difficult to comprehend. That someone so important to you, someone who you were important to, becomes a stranger, just like that.
Because people always leave, right? Sometimes, yeah, they do come back. But you read between the lines, and you figured out that, sometimes, no, they don't.
No, they don't. But then again, is it people who left?
Or was it you?
as
But, come to think of it, it is more of a continuation of the same train of thought. The train just stopped me a little ways farther down the line, in a different station, that's all.
To the point, and you'd have to have read the previous post to fully understand this.
Is there a reason two people walk into each other's lives and then walk out of it again? It's not that they were mere acquaintances, these two people were friends, maybe lovers. They come in, and change your life, as you do theirs, and all of a sudden, they are gone.
People invest a part of their souls into people. That's how change occurs. How can a person, who is so much a part of you, who played so big a part in the person you are today, just disappear? And when you meet again, its two different people. To all intents and purposes, two strangers.
It's just.. difficult to comprehend. That someone so important to you, someone who you were important to, becomes a stranger, just like that.
Because people always leave, right? Sometimes, yeah, they do come back. But you read between the lines, and you figured out that, sometimes, no, they don't.
No, they don't. But then again, is it people who left?
Or was it you?
as
Saturday, 26 March 2011
People and Fate
'People are what is important in your life.'
I don't remember who said it, or where I heard it, but so far, this statement has been true. I wonder sometimes at the people that God has put in my life without my knowing it. I am not talking about the people that you meet because you decided to do so, like a girl you think is quite pretty and you go up to her and say hi. Of course these people are very important too.
I am talking about the people that you bump into on the street, the people that fate - lets call it fate - pushed on you, for no apparent reason. I count people such as these to be among the most important in my life. I'd be hard pressed to recall where or how we met, or even how we got close, but, yet, here we are.
You ever think about it? About the roads that you choose - or stumbled on - that made you this person. About the paths that you walked - maybe even crawled - just to be in that exact moment to meet that one significant person. And then you wonder about the byways they took, just to be who they are, just to meet you there.
It's more than I can comprehend.
But yet, it is these people that have changed my life. I have no reason to know Jon, but I do, and God has used him to open doors for me. I went unwillingly to a new church - which I now attend - and I've been blessed with someone I can actually look up to. I walked into Life College, and I met Andrea and Lynette, two people who are so capable and so full of life.
Andrea told me, "Jing, let's go Genting!" to which I replied, a little non-enthusiastically, "Really? Who with?"
She said, "I don't know, I'll find a few people."
And that's how I met Crystal. No reason whatsoever, just someone who wanted to go Genting, meeting someone who went reluctantly - reluctantly until told that a pretty girl was going.
The closest friends that I have miraculously turned up during a painful time in my life. I've known them for years, but somehow, at that exact moment when I needed people most, they turned up.
It is a bizarre phenomenon, if you think about it. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it whatever you want. It's complicated.
But at the same time, it isn't. It's really simple. It's just two people, meeting under circumstances that seems like a line out of a best-seller, somehow making an instant connection and knowing that they'd be in the other's life in a significant way.
And neither life will ever be the same again.
as
I don't remember who said it, or where I heard it, but so far, this statement has been true. I wonder sometimes at the people that God has put in my life without my knowing it. I am not talking about the people that you meet because you decided to do so, like a girl you think is quite pretty and you go up to her and say hi. Of course these people are very important too.
I am talking about the people that you bump into on the street, the people that fate - lets call it fate - pushed on you, for no apparent reason. I count people such as these to be among the most important in my life. I'd be hard pressed to recall where or how we met, or even how we got close, but, yet, here we are.
You ever think about it? About the roads that you choose - or stumbled on - that made you this person. About the paths that you walked - maybe even crawled - just to be in that exact moment to meet that one significant person. And then you wonder about the byways they took, just to be who they are, just to meet you there.
It's more than I can comprehend.
But yet, it is these people that have changed my life. I have no reason to know Jon, but I do, and God has used him to open doors for me. I went unwillingly to a new church - which I now attend - and I've been blessed with someone I can actually look up to. I walked into Life College, and I met Andrea and Lynette, two people who are so capable and so full of life.
Andrea told me, "Jing, let's go Genting!" to which I replied, a little non-enthusiastically, "Really? Who with?"
She said, "I don't know, I'll find a few people."
And that's how I met Crystal. No reason whatsoever, just someone who wanted to go Genting, meeting someone who went reluctantly - reluctantly until told that a pretty girl was going.
The closest friends that I have miraculously turned up during a painful time in my life. I've known them for years, but somehow, at that exact moment when I needed people most, they turned up.
It is a bizarre phenomenon, if you think about it. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it whatever you want. It's complicated.
But at the same time, it isn't. It's really simple. It's just two people, meeting under circumstances that seems like a line out of a best-seller, somehow making an instant connection and knowing that they'd be in the other's life in a significant way.
And neither life will ever be the same again.
as
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Down in the Dumps
I wonder why people can't just stay sad for a little while.
I have this violent urge to go out and do stuff whenever I am feeling sad. I need to be constantly keeping my mind busy and my body in action, just so for that moment, I'd be okay. I want to be alone, just so I'm allowed to be quiet, but even then I just want to stop thinking about it.
Why can't people stay sad for awhile? Why does everyone around them try to make their day better? Because nothing helps, nothing. Not music, not books, not deep conversations. They only feed the disquiet so it'll go away for a few hours, but then it comes back hungry again.
Why can't people, you and I, just accept that it is okay to be sad. It is okay to be down and you don't need to drown it out. You don't need to feed it with music to make it go away. It's okay to not want to be happy, at least for that moment.
Maybe, just embrace it, that for now, sad is what you will be. Accept it, don't drown it out, don't feed it or starve it, don't ignore it.
You'll be okay. You're just sad.
as
I have this violent urge to go out and do stuff whenever I am feeling sad. I need to be constantly keeping my mind busy and my body in action, just so for that moment, I'd be okay. I want to be alone, just so I'm allowed to be quiet, but even then I just want to stop thinking about it.
Why can't people stay sad for awhile? Why does everyone around them try to make their day better? Because nothing helps, nothing. Not music, not books, not deep conversations. They only feed the disquiet so it'll go away for a few hours, but then it comes back hungry again.
Why can't people, you and I, just accept that it is okay to be sad. It is okay to be down and you don't need to drown it out. You don't need to feed it with music to make it go away. It's okay to not want to be happy, at least for that moment.
Maybe, just embrace it, that for now, sad is what you will be. Accept it, don't drown it out, don't feed it or starve it, don't ignore it.
You'll be okay. You're just sad.
as
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
The Wall
I don't understand. There's a wall, and I keep throwing myself on it. Beating it with everything I have, hitting it repeatedly.
It's not breaking. I don't understand.
If it doesn't break soon...I will.
as
It's not breaking. I don't understand.
If it doesn't break soon...I will.
as
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Through the Eyes of a Child
She kept quiet as I told her my tale. She doesn't normally keep quiet.
It's nice, you know? When I need someone to listen, they don't give me advice and try to point me in the right direction. All she did was listen, and then she told me her story.
It was only later, after a day or two, she wrote me a short note.
She wrote 'It is a blessing to love someone, and it's worth it because that's what true love is.'
At that time I couldn't, and wouldn't agree.
But now, some weeks later, they make more sense to me.
It's in line with the only definition of love that I agree on.
The bible says '..it is not self-seeking...it keeps no record of wrongs..it always trusts, always hopes always perseveres.'
It is selfless, it forgives, it always trusts, always hopes and it perseveres.
And if I can't understand this, then I have no business trying anymore.
as
It's nice, you know? When I need someone to listen, they don't give me advice and try to point me in the right direction. All she did was listen, and then she told me her story.
It was only later, after a day or two, she wrote me a short note.
She wrote 'It is a blessing to love someone, and it's worth it because that's what true love is.'
At that time I couldn't, and wouldn't agree.
But now, some weeks later, they make more sense to me.
It's in line with the only definition of love that I agree on.
The bible says '..it is not self-seeking...it keeps no record of wrongs..it always trusts, always hopes always perseveres.'
It is selfless, it forgives, it always trusts, always hopes and it perseveres.
And if I can't understand this, then I have no business trying anymore.
as
Monday, 21 March 2011
'Get Out There!'
I drove to Bangi just yesterday, to interview a couple of friends (I can now call them friends) for one of the projects I've been working on.
Afterwards, my co-labourer asked me, 'How was it?'
My answer to him was, 'Surprisingly, calm.'
And I was. Let me tell you right up, I've never sat down to do a one-on-one (in this case, one-on-two) interview with anyone. It's a new experience for me, to sit and chat with someone who was, at the beginning of the conversation, a total stranger.
One of the people I interviewed said this, 'The problem with the youth of today is that they stay in their comfort zone. They need to get out there.'
I agreed wholeheartedly with his words, but after reflecting upon them, I realised, yeah, that's exactly what I did. I stepped out, and it is actually a pretty awesome feeling. I was quite a shy kid, and while it is no major breakthrough, it is still a step forward.
So, I will echo his words here, and I hope you will find the experience uplifting.
Get Out There!
as
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Goodbye
I guess, humans will never actually get used to saying goodbyes. It's not natural to be okay when someone leaves. It's not natural to be fine when you know there's a possibility you'd never see them again.
I hate it. I hate saying goodbye. It's one of the reasons why I don't say hello too often now. I know it is a sad way to live, but hey, we all have our demons.
You've made me so much of who I am today. Can you believe it has been five years already that we've grown and walked together? Your fingerprints won't fade, ever. There's not many people who have impacted my life in such a powerful way, and you made that list. In fact, you're probably on the top five.
I am not begrudging you answering the call to impact more lives. Go and spread your wings and fly and be all, be everything. Just know that, I am proud to be able to call you friend. I am proud to be counted on the list of people that you will miss. I am proud that in my own way, I reflect the example that you show.
So...goodbye. And godspeed.
as
I hate it. I hate saying goodbye. It's one of the reasons why I don't say hello too often now. I know it is a sad way to live, but hey, we all have our demons.
You've made me so much of who I am today. Can you believe it has been five years already that we've grown and walked together? Your fingerprints won't fade, ever. There's not many people who have impacted my life in such a powerful way, and you made that list. In fact, you're probably on the top five.
I am not begrudging you answering the call to impact more lives. Go and spread your wings and fly and be all, be everything. Just know that, I am proud to be able to call you friend. I am proud to be counted on the list of people that you will miss. I am proud that in my own way, I reflect the example that you show.
So...goodbye. And godspeed.
as
Lessons LDR Taught Me
The third and final post on this topic (hopefully, because I don't think this writer can take many more lessons).
Lesson 6: If you love her, let her go.
It's not something new. But, friends, remember, that she was never yours to begin with. No one ever actually belongs to anyone. If they choose to walk with you, it's their choice; if they choose to walk a perpendicular path, then you have no say in it. All of us, even when married, cannot claim ownership of another life. In a sense, the life is on loan from God.
You ever heard of the old maxim? 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it's yours'. Not really, no, if it comes back, it decides to do so, but it is not yours.
Lesson 7: Have a little faith
It has so far been a short road, but of course I doubt. I doubt her sometimes, and I doubt my heart in this. I guess, there's no cure to this, but to just have a little more faith in her. Obviously, I walked into this liking the strength and character that I saw in her, and I remind myself that my doubts are unfounded and actually quite silly.
It's not just about her. Sometimes, it is hard to find the resolve in wanting to continue walking down this road. I guess, I doubt that I have what it takes to continue on.
Lesson 8: Hope
So much has changed over the course of these months. Of course, I am looking forward to the day when she's back, but people change. I guess, the hope here is that no matter the change, we could find a way to relearn about each other, and that in relearning, we find more to like and more strengths to admire in the other. The hope is that I would not hold on to who she was in the past, and recognise that the person she has become is no less awesome, if not more.
This road, while nowhere as tough, seeing that I am facing challenges on my homeground, has been a long and educational one. A year ago, if you'd have asked me if I would do an LDR, my answer would be an unequivocal no. I am only on this road because I know her for who she is, and I believed it would work. Let's see what the next two months will hold.
as
Lesson 6: If you love her, let her go.
It's not something new. But, friends, remember, that she was never yours to begin with. No one ever actually belongs to anyone. If they choose to walk with you, it's their choice; if they choose to walk a perpendicular path, then you have no say in it. All of us, even when married, cannot claim ownership of another life. In a sense, the life is on loan from God.
You ever heard of the old maxim? 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, then it's yours'. Not really, no, if it comes back, it decides to do so, but it is not yours.
Lesson 7: Have a little faith
It has so far been a short road, but of course I doubt. I doubt her sometimes, and I doubt my heart in this. I guess, there's no cure to this, but to just have a little more faith in her. Obviously, I walked into this liking the strength and character that I saw in her, and I remind myself that my doubts are unfounded and actually quite silly.
It's not just about her. Sometimes, it is hard to find the resolve in wanting to continue walking down this road. I guess, I doubt that I have what it takes to continue on.
Lesson 8: Hope
So much has changed over the course of these months. Of course, I am looking forward to the day when she's back, but people change. I guess, the hope here is that no matter the change, we could find a way to relearn about each other, and that in relearning, we find more to like and more strengths to admire in the other. The hope is that I would not hold on to who she was in the past, and recognise that the person she has become is no less awesome, if not more.
This road, while nowhere as tough, seeing that I am facing challenges on my homeground, has been a long and educational one. A year ago, if you'd have asked me if I would do an LDR, my answer would be an unequivocal no. I am only on this road because I know her for who she is, and I believed it would work. Let's see what the next two months will hold.
as
Leaving Through the Window
I drove approximately 500 kilometers yesterday, from KL to Kuantan and back. I don't know why, but driving always seems to help when I need to clear my head or release some pent up frustration.
It didn't work. I drove all the way to Teluk Cempedak. As I stared out into the South China Sea, all I wanted was to drive away, drive even further. Drive until now is gone and I was back in before. Never coming home..just, driving...
klj
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