Unfinished Men

This post has been long in coming, one that I wanted to write ever since I finished Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. I first started writing it sometime last year, around October, but never got around to finishing it, not because I don't have much to say, but because I feel unqualified, and I write now, not because I am qualified, far from it. I just know that some out there will be having the same thoughts and doubts that I do, and I hope in some small way, this helps.

But, to the point, what right do I have to talk about being a man if I am barely one? I am mostly still a boy and parts of me are still stuck in Neverland. In so many ways, manhood is a blessing, a gift that is bestowed by another man, or a fellowship of men. I've not been blessed with the gift yet.

I used to think of myself as a self-made man, that I figure things out on my own and that I need none or minimal guidance. I needed no one, and I was proud of it. In hindsight, it was probably the most heart-wrenching statement a man can make. To have to grope about blindly looking for masculinity and try to understand what it means to be man with no mentor is a painful and ultimately, crippling way to grow.

What you need to understand now, as men or boys, is that masculinity is bestowed by another man, or a group of men. When we as boys grow without guidance in this area, chances are great that we grow wrongly. We are unfinished men. Think about it. When was the last time you had absolute confidence in making a decision?  I don't remember a single instance. Granted, life will be full of doubts, but there is a difference between standing stock-still in uncertainty and choosing to fight even with doubts, knowing that you have what it takes.

Masculinity, the original one designed by the Creator, is powerful. It is a wild, untamed thing. The version we see in the media is skewed somehow. Think about it for a moment. What does the media portray masculinity to be? It's no better in the church. Men are taught from young to be overly gentle, to speak in hushed tones and always compromise and be peaceable. There are times for all that, I don't disagree, but have you ever wondered why is it that we were never taught to use our strength and our passion? It is sadly emasculating.

There's so much to say on the matter, but there's one aspect of masculinity that I want to touch on. In Wild At Heart, John Eldredge wrote that femininity arouses masculinity, but it can never bestow it. Based on my own experience, I can vouch that most men I know look to femininity for their masculinity. It doesn't just stop at the superficial oh-look-my-girlfriend-is-so-hot; it goes deeper than that. A man cannot make a girl his whole universe; she can't be the only battle he fights. Both will be painfully bored, and a man ought to fight for more than just a girl. His is an adventure that she would gladly go for, but there will never be an adventure if she was the bottom line. In his book, John Eldredge said as much, and again, this proved to be painfully true.

I am reading Rumours of Another World by Philip Yancey now, and he said so as well, though in different terms. He wrote that the problem is that we think of a gift, as just that, a gift, but we never see beyond that, that the gift is about the love of the giver. In this case, the gift is someone God has placed in your life, but all you see is the gift. She is the bottom-line.

I don't have any answers to this, and I am still just trying to be a man, and trying to bend my strengths to proper use in this world, trying to do my best. I'll probably never be a fully finished man, not in every sense of the word.

But then again, a man who can claim to be wholly complete can only be either one of two things.
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