Darkness and All Her Friends

I had this strange conversation with a great friend yesterday. Incidentally, she's the first peer I know who will be getting married. Over the course of all these years, she's inspired me to be a better person, she's there with the reminder that God is always here, that He never left and will never leave.

I told her some of my small issues, that the people who love you the most, hurts you the most.

She answered, of course, if not, you didn't love them. She said man will fail you, man will break your trust.

But to that, I have no reply. I mean, I used to believe in people. I did. I believed in the good in people. Now, when a friend asks for help, my first reaction is to be wary. I guess this is what life does to you, it makes you jaded and.. I don't know.. old. I always thought that I won't give in, that I won't let life change me that way, to be something that, in my opinion, was less than who I was.

Now? I don't know. Even without realising it, I've changed. A year ago, I could have sworn I wanted to remain single for the rest of my life, but that was just me being scared and immature. I didn't want the responsibility of taking care of another life when mine was all over the place. I was scared, I guess, to open up my heart and be hurt again. And then, circumstances change and someone walked in.

And I sincerely thought, this was it, but it was not to be, and she walked out. Take it from someone who's been there, timing matters, more than you know. I hear it from my older friends, but never thought much about it.

I mean, how can anyone not turn jaded?

I told her I am an optimist. My friend replied really? I couldn't tell from your blog.

To which I said with a laugh, darkness makes a better muse than sunshine and butterflies.

She said I don't know, darkness will swallow up hope and optimism.


I don't know about that. I think hope and optimism contrasts more starkly against the darkness. That if not for darkness, you won't see it.

And at the end of the day, I know that the darkness will recede and disappear. It always does. Hope and optimism won't. Maybe this will be the part of me that will remain constant.
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